Guidance Calls

I'm a 38 year old Pisces who loves Earth, Mother Nature, humanity, spirituality and art.

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Let me share with you a bit about my journey, and why I'm doing this guidance work.

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I've had a lot of success in my life, the kind of success that most people would consider to be a dream come true.

 

From professional athlete, multiple world champion, to one of the first YouTube vloggers and travel influencers, by most people's definition I was extremely successful.

 

So it was quite a shock to me when one day, as I was recovering from reconstructive surgery (a motorcycle accident shattered my left elbow) I found myself having a panic attack on the kitchen floor, I thought I was dying and nearly called an ambulance, this was the first of many nervous system breakdowns that would bring me to my knees through out the year 2018.

I was deeply confused, and frightened, I had 'the dream life' and now it's totally destroyed, my relationship of 5 years ended, I had gone into severe debt, and people I had considered my friends evaporated from my life.

 
This was my first 'dark night of the Soul' and my very rude (spiritual) awakening.

I was NOT the guy who struggled with mental health, my life was amazing.

But over time I realise that I've actually suffered from anxiety and depression for my whole life, I just got really good at holding it all in, acting confident and saying 'I'm fine'.

Through constant over achievement I was able to mask the deep emotional pain I carried inside.

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This was back in 2018. I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I had totally lost control of my life, and I had no idea how to navigate the internal chaos I was experiencing. I was addicted to weed, tobacco, porn, partying and work to numb the pain, I was eating terrible food and treating my body with zero respect, it was hell and I had no idea how to fix it.

 

I hated myself for the situation I was in, and was punishing myself for my mistakes.

Fast forward 7 years to now, 2025. I have been a quite the wild journey, I've died and been reborn 1000 times since those first days of my transformation. Thing often get worse before they get better. 
Over and over again I've cycled through rounds of deeper and deeper healing, on this journey I've been invited time and again to let go and surrender into my pain. 

Life has a way of stripping us back, and forcing us to take a long hard look at the things we've been running from our whole lives. The pain is the entry point. The heart breaks open so more light can get in.

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I no longer struggle with addiction, although like most people I'm constantly having to monitor my screen time.

Most importantly, I no longer hate myself, I no longer punish myself, I actually love myself deeply. 

This has taken a lot of work, mainly because I'm the first person in my family to be on a path of healing and spiritual awakening, perhaps you can relate, many of us have come to Earth to break these multigenerational patterns and cycles of abuse. This is no small task, like true spiritual gangsters we don't choose the easy path.

I teach what I've learned from my direct experience - Authentic Self Confidence.
I've always been very confident, but it's often been a mask for my deeper subconscious fears and self doubts.

 

'Authentic Self' = the energy comes from a place that is not the fragile ego, it comes from a higher place.

Authentic people do not need to impress anyone. They know themselves, they do not take things personally.

They've been on a deep journey of self realisation and are somewhat unfuckwithable.
 

I'm a 'recovering people pleaser' which sounds hilarious, but it's true. 
I've discovered that when I'm being my authentic self I attract other authentic people who celebrate that, and at the same time I really piss people off.

 

Maybe you can relate to this; when I was a child, expressing my authentic emotions wasn't allowed, mainly because it triggered the adults around me, so I was shamed for simply being a child, I'm a Pisces too so extra sensitive, needing extra love and care, which simply wasn't available for me. So, to survive (to get food and shelter etc) I had to be 'a good boy' which essentially meant repressing my anger, my sadness, my pain and often my joy too. My mission was 'don't upset the adults' because they decide my fate.

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I was programmed to be a good boy, and I was rewarded with sweets, treats and toys, and when the adults considered my behaviour 'bad' these things (including attention and love) were held from me. I quickly learned that to get what I want, I need to act in a way that pleases others. 

Empathic aka highly sensitive people (HSPs) often had a bit of a chaotic upbringing where we learned to tune into other people's emotions to 'read the room' so we could know how to act around them (to get the love we need).

This long term complex inter-relational trauma means we developed our 'sense of self' from the outside, we only knew ourselves in the reflections of those around us. As opposed to developing a sense of who we are from the inside, we didn't know how to separate our experience from other people's experience of us, and their emotions.

We never learned the difference between other people's energy and our own.
It was so chaotic living this way, exhausting actually, depressing too since most adults weren't at all happy.

On top of that, we were constantly told to cheer up, or told 'don't be ungrateful' when we were simply sad.
This is a very difficult time to be a child in the western society, no self aware or emotionally available adults.

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The survival solution to this is to dissociate, our consciousness had to leave the physical body, simply because the pain was too much for us to handle. This survival mechanism is genius, our little nervous systems could never have processed these extremely heavy emotions we were absorbing and repressing into our bodys.

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Many of us picked up addictions, coping mechanisms. Some, like food, alcohol, TV, gaming etc are socially acceptable, for me it was food and sport, over achieving to try and prove my worth to my parents and the world.

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I was also a people pleaser, I saw that 'naughty' kids who made life hard to the adults got punished, I learned to be extra pleasant, which helped me in many ways, but I was masking my truth; I f**king hated most of these people and was incredibly angry about the injustice I felt. Anger was of course not allowed. Questioning adults, not allowed. But I still needed attention, I needed love and I needed people to tell me I was a good boy, a good man, a good human, a good member of society, so I devoted myself to being a world class athlete.

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Athletes were respected, they were rewarded, they were given attention, love and privileges. 

I gained respect through my achievements, just like a good little programmed matrix human!

I played the game, and I played it well. From double world champion kayaker, to YouTube vlogging photographer, I had all the external validation and attention, I had all the achievements, I had all the respect I desired. 

 

But the thing about resourcing our needs for love, respect, validation only from the outside, is that it's only superficial, it's only because of the achievements, not because of who I was deep down, it was never enough.

 

I got addicted to external validation, that drove me to make youtube videos everyday, and if the views were low, or I got some hateful comments, I would collapse into a rage of frustration, I was in a co-dependent relationship with my online audience, I needed them to like me constantly, to quite my internal voice that hated me.

 

This thing about addiction is that it's never quite enough to scratch that itch, you always just need a little more.

Until you realise that all you're seeking outside of yourself is available within, in abundance, regardless of how people view you, or what mood they're in. The real power is on the inside.

This is why eventually I collapsed, had a nervous breakdown and a very painful spiritual breakthrough.

My Soul was like 'bro, no more of this, it's time to take your power back, but first we're gonig to have to go into the darkness, into the underworld you've been avoiding your whole life...' 

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The treasure you seek, is deep in the dark cave that you fear to enter, and, it's guarded by a dragon.

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This is where the work really begins. Going into the subconscious mind, into the shadows to see what we buried in there, hidden away from ourselves and the world, all that's been rejected, all that was deemed unlovable, like our authentic emotions, our authentic expression, our authentic Self. 

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Now is the time to take the mask off, the world needs authentic people, who know their darkness and have integrated their shadow aspects to reclaim their power. When we get to know ourselves on a deeper level, (and love all of these parts of us previously rejected) that's when it doesn't matter how people receive us, it doesn't matter that our authenticity pisses people off, because trust me it will!

We are not here to be nice. We are here to be kind and authentic.
Authenticity doesn't bend over backwards to cater to other people's insecurities.
Especially for those who would much prefer we stay small and dim our light.

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I know, I said this was a short story, and this is the cliff notes, there's a thousand other elements to my story that I can't get into here. 

If any of this resonates with you, and you feel the call to take back your power and live you life in a more authentic and powerful way, get in touch, book a session with me, let's get started, the world needs your light.

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All my Love
Ben 🩵